When and as I see myself acting on a decision within avoidance based on the belief and fear of not being able to relate to people in the context of what is respectable or acceptable, I stop in the act of dismissing this relationship altogether and stand as the point of open interaction without prejudice.
When and as I see myself acting within the defensive pattern based on the belief and fear of being psychologically or physically dominated, I stop within awareness of physically integrated self-victimization in the context of physical/verbal abuse as a reflection/projection to be articulated and actively confronted rather than passively avoided.
When and as I see myself indulging in the fixation of self-hate in the context of fear of becoming my father within judgment as a character addicted to self-consuming resentment, regret and sarcasm, I stop within seeing how useless characteristics are cultivated through accumulated fear and resistance in some form or another.
When and as I see myself acting in judgment and fear of vacuity, I stop within avoidance of this experience that I create within myself in the context of judgment of wasting time in another’s presence based on an idea of respect, and remain grounded in the physicality of the moment, open to interaction/confrontation with whatever/whomever I would have associated with fear of loss in relation to the experience of vacuity.
When and as I see myself living a decision based on fear of dehumanization, I stop within recognition of it as vulnerability and remain grounded and open to direct expression.
When and as I see myself avoiding direct self-honesty in regards to the memory of childhood relationships in the context of respect within the judgment that it’s a waste of time, I slow down and stop to focus on what has been physically integrated and take the time to deconstruct it.
When and as I see myself reinforcing the pattern of self-diminishment and frustration based on suppressed memories of physical inferiority and helplessness, I stop myself within a perception that only reinforces the habitual experience of security.
When and as I see myself reinforcing the silent mirror character within myself in order to ‘deflect,’ or avoid, a self-created experience of disempowerment or vulnerability, I stop within the basic judgment of expression as my own abuser for which I’ve held others accountable or unforgiven.
When and as I see myself reinforcing the character of inferiority, I stop within awareness of using self-deprecation as manipulation to justify responsibility of direct communication without fixating on presentation and reaction.
When and as I see myself in the act of silence and withdrawal in the vicinity of others from the starting point of wanting to deprive ‘them’ of the use of a character or strawman to indulge in petty power games, I stop within seeing that this doesn’t exclude me from physical communication which takes place with or without words.
When and as I see myself entertaining the fantasy of others seeing themselves as I would have judged them, I stop within projecting and perpetuating the past through the mind and return to the physical moment.
I commit to embrace conflict and feedback beyond any projection of respect, receptive without judgment and future projection, while aware of the past tendency of making it into a pattern-reinforcing exercise in avoidance and character cultivation.
I commit to the redefinition of respect in terms of self-honest humility and being willing to see any disposition or characters aside from my own without judgment.
I commit to further articulating what I’ve allowed to remain silent within myself, aware of the consequences of maintaining a state of suppression and vague abstraction that I’ve defined myself as, particularly in relationship to my family, and regardless of judgmental patterns and reactions to what is exposed.
I commit to slowing down to remain grounded in the physicality of communication beyond circuitous thought patterns and selective perception, without judgment of my own physical reactions toward the presence or proximity of another.