I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create
and experience recklessness as something liberating, as if to compensate for
the experience of futility, without realizing that each is an experience that
is built up through moments of suppression and is ultimately a point of
futility and self sabotage in itself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
fetishize futility and recklessness in the moment while defining myself within
not giving a fuck about the consequences of what is sought and suppressed as
catharsis through smashing or breaking something. When the current is followed
through and satisfied, it would ensure the perpetuation of similar reactions in
the future. Since I’m the one creating the reaction within myself, I can open
it up in the moment to see and expose it for what it is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge
in the perception of who I am in a moment of blind aggression, of making the decision
to abandon self-responsibility and direction in the moment for the apparent
catharsis and release of allowing myself to be directed by my mind, making
justifications in the mind instead of realizing that stopping the entire
reaction in a moment of breath is more simple than the mind can conceive of.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
experience destructive impulse as something superior to me and impossible to
direct myself through, within the belief and perception that the energetic
current is too overwhelming to stop within myself. Instead of circling within
the reaction to the catalyst, I direct my awareness on the focal point of each
breath as the reaction and the catalyst are placed into perspective for what
they are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define
myself in relation to a catalyst in the moment as an excuse for reckless abandon
and an abdication of self responsibility based on the desire to not exist. I
commit to follow through with life while stopping the false perception within
myself in the moment as the distraction that it is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
cultivate a potential for recklessness within myself, as if in anticipation of
the moment when I can use a particular event as a catalyst in order to let
myself go and release everything I’ve suppressed through reckless behavior that
I would perceive as the motive or opportunity to burn myself out in order to
get the experience of an endorphin high of getting drunk off recklessness. I commit
to stop seeking experiences as a way out when the self responsibility that I unconsciously
seek to abdicate is the actual point of freedom as self direction.
