I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and experience recklessness as something liberating, as if to compensate for the experience of futility, without realizing that each is an experience that is built up through moments of suppression and is ultimately a point of futility and self sabotage in itself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fetishize futility and recklessness in the moment while defining myself within not giving a fuck about the consequences of what is sought and suppressed as catharsis through smashing or breaking something. When the current is followed through and satisfied, it would ensure the perpetuation of similar reactions in the future. Since I’m the one creating the reaction within myself, I can open it up in the moment to see and expose it for what it is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in the perception of who I am in a moment of blind aggression, of making the decision to abandon self-responsibility and direction in the moment for the apparent catharsis and release of allowing myself to be directed by my mind, making justifications in the mind instead of realizing that stopping the entire reaction in a moment of breath is more simple than the mind can conceive of.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience destructive impulse as something superior to me and impossible to direct myself through, within the belief and perception that the energetic current is too overwhelming to stop within myself. Instead of circling within the reaction to the catalyst, I direct my awareness on the focal point of each breath as the reaction and the catalyst are placed into perspective for what they are.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself in relation to a catalyst in the moment as an excuse for reckless abandon and an abdication of self responsibility based on the desire to not exist. I commit to follow through with life while stopping the false perception within myself in the moment as the distraction that it is.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cultivate a potential for recklessness within myself, as if in anticipation of the moment when I can use a particular event as a catalyst in order to let myself go and release everything I’ve suppressed through reckless behavior that I would perceive as the motive or opportunity to burn myself out in order to get the experience of an endorphin high of getting drunk off recklessness. I commit to stop seeking experiences as a way out when the self responsibility that I unconsciously seek to abdicate is the actual point of freedom as self direction.